October 7th, 2019

Shteitelman Brothers Launch E-Z Fast, Yom Kippur Appetite Suppressant

hj“With E-Z Fast, fasting is a piece of (sponge)cake.”, says co-inventor Heshy Shteitelman.”It’s scientifically designed to approximate the feeling of swallowing a bowling ball deep fried in chicken fat. Trust me, your appetite will disappear faster than a yarmulke in a hurricane.”

June 30th, 2015

E.U. Hires Paulie Walnuts to Collect Greek Debt

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June 1st, 2015

Rand Paul Blocks Senate Pizza Delivery Order

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“I’ll be goshdarned if anything gets through the Senate, and I mean anything.  I’m talking total obstruction here. I don’t care how hungry my esteemed colleagues get. It wouldn’t kill some of these shlubs to skip a meal anyway.” Senator Paul, doing his best stoner imitation, filibustered for 17 hours straight by changing his Pizza Hut order 6,542 times. “I’ll have pepperoni, mushroom and sausage. Nah, come to think of it, hold the pepperoni…..Hold on, y’know what I could really get into? A little bacon on there. Mmmmm, luuuuuv bacon. And hey, how about some green bell peppers and red onions on there on like half of it? Yeah y’know, make it healthy and stuff. Course, I wouldn’t mind some barbecue sauce dumped all over everything…sorta Texas style…….”

June 1st, 2015

Ghost of Captain Louis Renault Inhabits Body of Sepp Blatter

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An indignant Sepp Blatter insisted once again he had no knowledge of the alleged corruption within FIFA : “I’m shocked, shocked to find that rampant bribe taking was found to be going on right under my nose”. He went on to express complete surprise that a giant wad of hundreds was bulging out of his breast pocket as his pants suddenly burst into flames.

 

 

May 21st, 2015

Republican Hopefuls In Fox Debate Limited To Huckabee, Bush, Rubio, Paul, Sneezy, Dopey and Bashful

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May 21st, 2015

Cruise Ship Runs Aground Near Bermuda: Passengers Welcome Distraction From Projectile Diarrhea, Captain and Tennille Show

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March 27th, 2015

Spice Girls Add New Member For 20th Anniversary Reunion: Old Spice

In a bid to broaden their appeal, the Spice Girls have added a brand new voice——and along with her, some brand new material. The setlist will now include Falling for You(And I Can’t Get Up), Gin and Prune Juice, Car Keys In The Refrigerator, and Pain In My Heart(It’s Just Gas).f94b2c1f153bd821289ee2e733493f75