Transcript excerpt from Inspector General’s report

The operations officer made a fist, then with the knuckle of his middle finger protruding, proceeded to give the prisoner a noogie. He then commanded him to pull his own nose hairs out one by one until tears ran down his cheeks. Still facing resistance, the officer forced the prisoner to chug a whole bottle of Mad Dog 357 Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce. Making no headway at this juncture, the prisoner was forced to listen to Leonard Nimoy’s Greatest Hits for 12 hours straight. Then the operations officer tried a new technique—-giving the detainee the silent treatment for a couple of days—just like his wife would when he forgot their anniversary. Sensing the prisoner was ready to crack, the officer followed said course of action by telling him he was not at all pleased with the way he was behaving and that he was going to get a timeout and to go sit in the corner. The overall results of the interrogation were mixed at best. One officer admitted he had little experience torturing detainees and got most of his information from “watching The Three Stooges do funny shit like Moe grabbing Larry’s nose with a pair of pliers.”